Empty...is it temporary?

Once upon a time my life was filled with evening story books, rinsing shampoo out of the hair of my little ones (careful not to get soap in the eyes!), dashing to the store to get that last minute item for a class project and rubbing the backs of my little ones as they fade off to sleep. Today, while not quite yet a true empty nester, I find myself analyzing who I am, what makes me tick, what does Marlo enjoy, in absence of two of my three children. It's a happy thing to see your children grow up, move out and pursue their adult lives--taking with them all that I put in them throughout their childhood--both good and bad. And yet, here I sit, pondering all the little details of things that I can not change, and giving consideration to where I go from here. It feels quite empty actually, and I want to move quickly to fill the void, yet I know this is a time where I need to be still--to think, ponder and reflect is good, but I must not jump to fill the gap. To do so would be to risk filling it with the first thing that looks good, rather than waiting for God's direction and His best.

While it feels like that's it, there is no more, I know that that's not true. For I have come to such a time as this not by accident--I must wait. Yet I ask myself, what am I waiting for? How do I rediscover or discover perhaps, that which makes me tick? For so many years of my adult life I have been too busy trying to keep everything and everyone in order, on task--teaching, comforting, nurturing. Movie nights focused around not what I enjoyed necessarily, but what did the kids want. Vacations were not so much about what I wanted, but what would be fun for the kids? ... it's these things that are not so much a dominate part of my life all of a sudden and have left me hanging wondering--"what now"?

While I still have my wonderful son to keep me moving forward in my parenting roles, he too is getting older and the manner in which he needed me before is not the same today. It's different and his busyness with friends leaves me moving around the home in the evening trying to fill the gaps--what do I do? Perhaps I need a hobby, an activity -- but what? What is it that I wished I could of pursued not so long ago but tucked away for lack of time to pursue? I don't have the answers, but I know that if I'm still and appreciate where I am right now, for today, the answers will come. Life continues to move forward and somehow, I always seem to move forward with it. For today, I'll continue to guide my son, and enjoy the new relationships that develop with my wonderful daughters in their adult lives.

Good Friday in Disguise

I was tucking my son into bed last night and asked him if he knew what this Friday was…I expected he might say no, but he didn't... instead he matter-a-fact said, “Earth Day”! Now me, being focused on this Friday being all about "Good Friday", had not picked up on it also being "Earth Day". I was looking for an opportunity to discuss what Good Friday is with my son, so his answer caught me off guard. I said, "Oh, well do you know what else it is?". From there, I managed to overshadow Earth Day with a conversation about Good Friday and why we call such a dark day in history "good".

This morning, as I saw postings at the school about Earth Day, confirming what my son informed me of the night before, I couldn't help but ponder how sad it is that Earth Day is now overshadowing “Good Friday” for our children. Who decided Earth Day would be on Good Friday anyway? Coincidence? I realize that we can't discuss Religion in the schools anymore... well, it's not really "Religion" we can't discuss but seems more specifically "Christianity" that is hushed hushed, yet I still can't help but wonder how Earth Day landed on Good Friday. But then I guess they are similar in some ways--the earth did shake on that Friday many years ago …

The JESUS Film Project | Bring Life to the Devastation...Japan Earthquake

The JESUS Film Project | Bring Life to the Devastation...Japan Earthquake